“Well I bit on my lip, and I kicked at my toes
No, I don’t need your lecture cause your lecture won’t show
That you told me so I told you so
But I would have managed, I would have been fine
I’d do it myself and I’d do it just my way,
I’m a big man for thinking just so.”
Big Man- Boy and Bear
Arrow all hipster with some tat’s and body mods I hope to get someday. Inspired by a new found friend’s very wonderful blog:
http://ejderha-born.tumblr.com/
28th May 2012
Notes: 4
Dysphoria Cure
Since yesterday, I’ve been feeling a tad dysphoric.
I’m usually pretty good about it not getting to me too badly (which is a shock since I’m the most sensitive, thin skinned, person ALIVE) but I had stumbled upon a transhater’s blog here on tumblr and it really fucked with my head.
Not only that, but I spent practically the ENTIRE day with my parents out hiking which, wasn’t too bad, but they were very insistent on using female pronouns/terms. I’m not ignorant and understand their reasoning- just like everyone else that doesn’t know any better and mislabels me- I just ignore it, pretend they said “man” instead of “ma’am” or dismiss it quickly. It does no good to dwell, nor will it progress you to get upset and lash out, although, disorienting.
I know there will come a day when these things will become trivial and I will hopefully have surrounded myself with support and love, but for now, it catches me now and again and sets me in a funk.
After a short nap from our hike, I groggily shuffled out into the house to find it quiet. No one was home. I lurched into the bathroom and while washing my hands, got a good look at myself.
Holy SHIT I’m a GUY.
It struck me so profoundly how masculine I truly look! I’m not even on T yet!
I really felt quiet happy looking myself over in the mirror and I can honestly say it’s been a while since I could look at myself and say “That is me.” so I decided to take some pictures to hopefully capture this moment and feeling to keep to me. You may groan about their Facebook-esq quality, but I wanted to have a little fun with some silly poses and expressions. As I was doing so, I saw it. Lying at the top of the sink- my sister’s mascara.
I highlighted my ‘stache and chin prickles as you can see, and the last photo is what a 5 o’ clock shadow might look like. That’s pretty exciting! I was honestly expecting any facial hair to give me a pedophile/ Kip from Napoleon Dynamite but I think I come across rather dashing!
Alright, tl;dr. I’m just posting this to celebrate a little :)
Guess what I got at the Pharmacy toodayyy
And guess who was “Sir’d” and several male pronouns today while hiking around my toowwwnn
this guy! :D
wow
i feel like shit.
Brother to all- no matter what! :)
Definitely what I was going for! Stare in awe at my great fuzziness >:D
Got my letter for Testosterone today c:
not exactly a physical letter as my therapist wants to fax it to the Dr. seeing me for hormones, but I just wanted to draw this as a landmark
I’m so excited. I kind of wish my family knew or cared enough because I would love to celebrate with a “T” party (haha get it?) or something but, this is very much a process for one to do on their own sadly, as I have discovered :/
However, I’ve let a lot of my friends who care know and they were thrilled ;) Which thrilled me even more.
My first appointment is May 8th! I’ll be counting down the days!
Rise To Me
Big mountain, wide river,
there’s an ancient pull,
these tree trunks, these stream beds,
leave our bellies full
They sing out, I am gonna’ stand my ground
You rise to me and I’ll blow you down
I am gonna’ stand my ground
You rise to me and I’ll blow you down
- The Decemberists
Gangway!
Just a little random doodle of Arrow boarding.
Dumb dog, you can’t skateboard on water! >:o
background:
http://win7wallpapers.com/walls/sea_wave-normal.jpg
Don’t Carry it All
“Let the yolk fall from our shoulders, don’t carry it all, don’t carry it all. We are all our hands in holders, beneath this bold and brilliant sun- this, I swear to all.”
The Decemberists
Went to the beach today and was incredibly inspired :3
Although I was with my best friend, on such a perfect day as today I really wished for the company of all those I care for- to share in the beauty and fun of the day, to enjoy themselves, to relax at ease from any worries.
Two of those friends I had particularly in mind because these ladies have been by my side through quite a bit last year and these past few months of 2012. Each today and this past week have had a great deal of struggle, and if I could do anything, I’d want to give them a day at the beach c:
And I, being single, oftentimes don’t feel recognized or appreciated by women whatsoever no matter what my efforts. These two ladies always make me feel incredibly special, wanted, needed and appreciated whenever I speak with them. I really could not ask for better friends to help me however big the load <3
Nothing better than being shirtless while watching a movie with an elephant hat on and a cold beer-
Whoops! Need a refill! Be right back!
- Camera: Canon PowerShot ELPH 300 HS
- Aperture: f/2.7
- Exposure: 1/30th
- Focal Length: 24mm